Happy Infertility Awareness Week! I am not the type of person who wants to use my infertility as a promotion but I have had a few friends ask me for advice on this topic and so I thought I’d write a blog post about it. I do want to say I have had the most amazing family and friends to support me and I am so grateful for each of them! Here are a few ways you can help a struggling friend out:
1.If she tells you a specific week or date for a fertility test/treatment/appointment, try to remember it and just send a short text telling her you’re thinking about her and wish her luck! This goes such a long way and is always my first advice when people ask me. On a similar note, if you know of a sad date like a miscarried baby’s due date or a failed IVF, sending a text or a small gift (from a necklace to a pint of ice cream!) can really help her know she isn’t alone.
2.There is being genuine and interested but there’s also being a tiny bit nosy. Try not to ask too many personal questions and let her tell the details if she would like and in her own time. It has been great to be open and have so much support but my period cycle and sex life are no longer private ha. It doesn’t help that I’m a terrible liar!
3.Don’t complain about your kids so often. We know being a mother is hard, we totally get it! And you deserve to let off some steam. But when the majority of your conversation about your kids involves complaining, it hurts to see that amazing blessing be taken somewhat for granted. I know a friend who put off having kids because of those type of conversations with moms, and wished she hadn’t put it off now that they realized it would take them so long. On the other side of the spectrum, gushing over your children and how absolutely adorably perfect they are is a little bit intense. We still want to hear how being a mother has stretched you, how you have overcome obstacles, and how you have used your relationship with God to raise your child. Find a nice balance between being real and showing that you delight in your kids!
4.Before announcing your pregnancy online, just sending a quick text or message to her is a nice way to warn her it will show up on her feed soon. Avoid telling her in person or even a phone call and let her process it how she needs to. And never take it personally if she has to unfollow you for a while or skip out on your baby shower.
5.If you are with a group of ladies, try to bring up other subjects than just baby-related ones. It is understandable that with a group of moms that is what you easily have in common, but there may be someone struggling silently (since secondary infertility is a thing) who may need a subject change here or there. There are so many other things you probably have in common so let’s figure them out!
I hope you found this helpful and I would love to hear of any other ways you feel are helpful for those who are struggling with infertility.